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ficsbydeenasTitle: Why Harry Potter Should Never Clean the Cupboards Without Permission
Rating: PG13
Pairing: H/G
Summary: Mood swings and hormones and cramping...OH MY!
Author Note: In "honor" of my disgusting visits from Aunt Flo every month, I have written this little piece which kinda sprung to life. There is a teeny-weeny shout out to my friend![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
oncelikeshari and be careful, if you blink, you may miss it.
This story is dedicated to every woman reader of mine who has had to deal with a man during her cycle......
Why Harry Potter Should Never Clean the Cupboards Without Permission
"Chamomile…where the bloody hell is the chamomile?" Ginny muttered under her breath while rummaging through the cupboards. "Damnit…the dandelion leaf's gone, too! Shite!"
She stormed out of the kitchen and climbed up the stairs emphasizing her footsteps as she made her way to the bedroom. She pushed the French doors open in an angry huff, startling Harry awake and causing him to spring up from their bed.
"Wha…whasrong?" Harry yawned.
"My. Potion. Ingredients," she stated through bared teeth, placing extreme emphasis on each syllable.
Harry looked confused, and that was not helping Ginny's mood in the slightest.
"What about them?" He pulled on his glasses and slid out of bed, crossing the room to stand in front of Ginny. "What potion ingredients?"
He reached out to stroke her hair, and Ginny slapped his hand away. Hard.
"Don't touch me! My herbs are gone! Where the hell did you put them? They're supposed to be in the kitchen!" Ginny's eyes bugged out and she looked crazed, almost like Bellatrix Lestrange.
Harry backed away, suddenly filled with fear of the petite redhead standing before him.
"Which ones? We have lots of herbs in the kitchen."
"MY herbs!" She raised one of her eyebrows, hoping her message was interpreted correctly.
Harry looked at her blankly, squinting behind his lenses, obviously not understanding her.
"Well, let's see…which ones are missing?" Ginny continued to glare at him as she began to tick off her list. "Dandelion root…artichoke leaf…centaury…cramp bark…dandelion leaf…wormwood…chamomile…and…yellow dock root. Now WHERE did you put them? I can only find the liquorice, ginger, ginseng and St John's Wort."
Harry's mind tried to wrap around the purposes of each of those herbs, but due his pitiful Potions knowledge, he had no idea what those particular ones were for let alone what some of them actually were.
"Sorry…I, I just don't know what you're talking about, Gin." He sat down on one of the armchairs in front of the fire and patted his lap for her to sit down. "Calm down, love. Let's figure out—"
"Don't you DARE patronize me, Harry Potter! I brought them all with me when I moved in…I put them in the cupboard…and now…They. Are. Gone."
Ginny had, in fact, brought along all of her Potion ingredients with her when she had moved in with Harry three weeks ago. She'd been very careful of where she placed them, making sure they were all together in one spot, just the way her mother had always placed them at The Burrow.
She really needed those herbs this morning, for one specific reason. Her monthly period started last night, and she needed to brew her tea and make her Hormone Replenishing Potion. The potion itself required three hours to brew, and Ginny really didn't plan on going without them. If she didn't have her potion and her tea, Harry would end up wishing Voldemort had killed him, because when Ginny was through with him, he'd be minced meat.
"Gin…you're scaring me."
It was pathetic, but utterly true. He looked up at her, afraid of the power he knew was bubbling up inside her. He pulled his legs up into the chair and prepared himself for the onslaught that was sure to come.
"You should be shitting your pants, Potter! Think about it, will you? I'm angry, emotional, and stark raving mad…" She gave one final huff and crossed her arms across her chest.
Harry thought for a bit and felt his heart sink in his chest.
"Fuck."
"There'll be none of that for a few days, and if you want any in the future, you'll tell me where you put my bloody herbs!"
Harry tried to think back over the past three weeks, trying to figure out which ones she was talking about. Then he suddenly remembered something he did about two weeks ago.
He'd cleaned the cupboards.
Harry didn't usually clean the kitchen cupboards, but that particular day was almost the day he quit Auror training.
He had just finished a gruelling 5k training run and was called into the office of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Hot and sweaty, he ambled into his superior's office to find Dolores Umbridge sitting in one of the chairs across from the Auror.
"What the hell is she doing here?" he'd shouted.
"Now, now, Mr Potter, language like that is not appropriate in this situation." Umbridge had merely smiled sweetly at him.
Harry had then learned that Dolores Umbridge was now working with the Auror department, evaluating the new criteria that the ministry had implemented since the war had ended. Needless to say, Harry lost his temper and shouted at his mentor and the odious woman, both of whom had tried valiantly to remain calm in the face of Harry's tirade.
When he'd arrived home that day, he had nervous energy to burn and had no desire to sit around stewing about it. So he cleaned. Ron was usually the one who cleaned when he was upset, yet there Harry was, emptying each and every cupboard, scrubbing them by hand and rearranging the contents to his satisfaction.
Harry remembered coming across the little stash of herbs in the corner cabinet. He'd looked at the bottles and containers and, not knowing what they were or what they were for, tossed them in the rubbish bin.
Harry looked up sheepishly at Ginny and began trying to dig himself out of the deep hole he knew he was in. "Oh…those. Well, I, er—"
"You better not tell me you threw them away!" She stepped in front of the chair and hovered over him ominously. When Harry didn’t answer, she pushed the chair and he fell over onto the floor. "You DID, you bloody bastard! Those were MINE!"
"How was I supposed to know they were yours or what they were for?" Harry felt his own anger grow inside him. "They didn't say 'Property of Ginny Weasley, for Merlin's sake!"
"Oh, so now I have to label what's mine and what's yours? Oh that's a dandy way to prepare for marriage, Harry!"
Harry pulled himself off the floor and stood toe to toe with her. A staring match began, with neither of them showing any sign of giving in.
After three minutes, Harry's eyes hurt and he conceded.
"I'm sorry?"
"You bet your sorry arse you are! Get your scrawny behind down to the apothecary and restock my stuff! Now!" Ginny stomped over to their shared wardrobe and pulled open his drawer, flinging clothes at him, not caring whether they matched or not.
Normally, Harry would have made a snarky remark about how much she loved his 'scrawny behind' but decided that making that sort of comment would only earn him a nasty hex in the process.
"Can I take a shower, at least?" he asked hopefully.
"No! I need to start brewing that potion now! It takes three hours!"
"You've gotta be kidding!"
Three more hours of this! Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with her behaving like this every month?
"And Harry…" she began softly, startling him with her tone, "yes, you do want to spend the rest of your life with me."
Harry's jaw dropped.
"What!?"
"You figure it out, Mr Big-Shot Auror!"
At that, Ginny spun around and left the room, leaving Harry to contemplate the clothing choices she'd made for him.
"Hmm…blue jeans and a striped pink shirt. Bloody hell, she thinks I belong on Hollyoaks."
-----
"No way in bloody hell am I sneaking Hermione's stuff over there. She's got her own…problems…to deal with," Ron muttered from the Floo.
"You mean…she's got her…too?" Harry was flabbergasted. There was no escaping this; his fiancée and his best friend were both afflicted with hormones and cramps and mood swings…oh my…
"Fuck yeah! Hermione informed me that they've 'synchronised their cycles' since they began living together. Don't you remember--"
"Oh bloody hell! Don't remind me." Harry threw his hands in the air and moved to close the Floo.
"Oh by the way, Harry, you look good in pink!" Ron shouted with a smirk and closed the connection himself.
Carefully making his way down the stairs, Harry looked over the banisters, trying to avoid Ginny and her temper-slash-emotional outburst. He had just reached the foyer and almost made it out the door when her 'lovely' voice came up through the floorboards.
"THE LIST! Don't you leave without the list, Potter!" she bellowed, sounding too much like Mrs Black for his taste and making Harry stop dead in his tracks.
Her rapid footfalls on the stairs announced her arrival from the basement kitchen. He turned to face her and took in her appearance.
She hadn't dressed yet, and it was already half nine. She wore his Quidditch jersey from fifth year and a pair of polka-dot boxer shorts of his that he thought he lost months ago. Her hair was tousled from her apparent fitful sleep. But damn, she looked sexy standing there. Did that jersey look that good on me? He highly doubted that.
Ginny stuck out her hand and shook it, indicating her impatience with him. "Go!"
He took the six-inch long list from her and desperately wanted to diffuse the situation, and there was only one way he knew how.
He reached out and stroked her cheek before brushing his lips against hers, whispering, "I love you."
At his words, her face softened and she smiled very briefly before backing away, giving him room to Disapparate.
-----
Harry wandered the familiar rows of the apothecary in Diagon Alley, trying to find these specific herbs and plants in the correct forms. He'd been up and down this particular aisle four times and was still unable to find most of the items on the list. Finally, taking a deep breath, he shuffled over to the chemist standing behind the glass window and cleared his throat.
"Excuse me? But I can't seem to find some things that I need."
The wrinkled witch looked up at him and smiled before coming round the window. She stood nearly a foot shorter than Harry, and had wiry, grey hair that was pulled back into a messy chignon. Her green eyes looked him up and down and then she smiled, obviously recognising him.
"Mr Potter! So nice to see you again! I haven't seen you since you were ready to begin your sixth year at Hogwarts. My, my you have filled out nicely!" She patted his chest and shoulders with her wrinkled hands and then squeezing his upper arms. "Oh yes, it does look like Auror training has agreed with you! But then, you've always been such a handsome young man!"
Harry could feel himself blush furiously underneath the woman's scrutiny. "Er…thank you, but I need some help with—"
"And what are you shopping for today?" She snatched the parchment from his hands and began perusing the list Ginny'd given him. Her cheeks reddened, Harry noticed and she looked up at him, her eyes large and mischievous. "Are these for a certain lady in your life? Are the papers right? Are you—"
"Yes! I'm engaged," Harry explained. "Now could you please—"
"Oh how delightful! Now you must tell me all about it! When's the wedding, dear boy?" She pulled him by the arm and led him toward a section of the shop that he never noticed before.
This section was obviously the right place. The aisle had a distinctly female air about it, having most of the items in pouches of pink cellophane or wrapped up with pastel ribbons. He immediately felt uncomfortable.
"Er…well, thanks for showing where to find this—"
"Oh nonsense, let me show me where you can find each of these…" The woman wouldn't take no for an answer and led him to the far end, never taking her hand off his forearm. "So, has her cycle started or is she just stocking up?"
Harry shifted his feet uncomfortably and investigated the pattern of the linoleum on the floor. "She, uh, started already…I, er, threw away—"
"Oh that must've gone over well," she teased, giving him a little swat on the arm. "Alright then…A. Artichoke leaf. She drinks this in a tea?"
Harry looked blankly at the woman, feeling ready to explode with embarrassment. "Uh, yeah, she did say something about a tea and a potion."
The witch conjured a shopping basket and deposited a package inside for him. "The artichoke leaf helps with irritability—"
Harry snorted in laughter.
"I take it she's afflicted?" She joined in Harry's laughter.
"In spades."
"I understand, dear. We'll find something to help you cope with it as well," she offered and continued leading him down the aisle. She stopped along the way as she found each item on the list. "Burdock root—good for regulating the hormones…Cramp bark. I bet you can figure out what that one's for, can't you?...Centaury…Dandelion root and leaf—my, my, she must really get it bad."
"Tell me about it," Harry answered back off-handedly.
"Poor boy. Now here's the liquorice, it's mostly for flavour, and then…hmm, yellow dock root…yellow dock root…Oh dear. I seem to be out of that one."
Harry began to panic. What was yellow root dock for? Did it have the power to bring back the woman he fell in love with?
"Well, let’s give her nettles herb then. It does the same thing. I'll go get that. You grab the wormwood, alrighty?"
Harry watched her shuffle down the aisle and then turned his attention to finding the wormwood.
Wormwood…that was a 'normal' potion ingredient? Why did he have to get it over here in the feminine section? Couldn’t she just use the stuff from his own Potions kit?
He found the small, pink package of wormwood and looked at it. It was one-third the size of what he purchased and cost twice as much.
Bloody hell, these women are getting ripped off!
Harry rummaged through the basket and wondered how much of this stuff could be bought cheaper in the regular section. He added up the prices in his head and couldn't believe what he came up with.
"Is there a problem, Mr Potter? I found the nettles herb." She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him curiously.
"Nine galleons for all this stuff? I know I can get the wormwood over in the Potions section for five Sickles while this package," Harry bellowed while holding up the pink package in front of her, "costs almost eleven Sickles! That's crazy! And it's the same bloody thing! You trying to rip off half the Wizarding world, woman?"
She put on a disgusted face. "Of course, not! The herbs in those packages have been used by women for centuries!" She suddenly lost her affection for Harry and her face turned sour. "For your information, young man, the herbs and plants in this section are more potent than your regular blends. They are concentrated for quick relief. By all means, purchase the standard dosage of all those herbs. It would only take twice as long to prepare and be half as effective as those in that basket. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some prescription potions to prepare." The woman twirled around and with an audible huff, marched back toward her window at the back of the shop.
Harry looked around and discovered three women and a teenaged girl standing in the same aisle, gaping at him as if he had a contagious case of Dragon Pox. One of the women took the girl away and shook her head, muttering something like "…blasted man…some hero he is…" Harry looked at the other two who were still gaping at him, making him feel three inches high.
Harry bent over to pick up the package of nettle herb the chemist had dropped and placed it in the basket before putting the tiny package of wormwood along side it.
"She's right. The other herbs don't work as well," one of the women said, patting him on the hand. "Now get your gal a nice package of chamomile tea and some chocolate. She'll be much more pleasant when she sees you've brought that home." She smiled at him and shared a small laugh with her companion.
"Thanks," Harry whispered, grateful for the kind words. With that, he turned around and made his way to the witch behind the register to leave, hopefully, without further incident.
-----
"Ginny? Ginny, I'm back," Harry said into the empty kitchen, brown paper bags in his arms. He walked over to the granite worktop and set the bags down and began unloading them.
"Harry?"
He looked up and saw Ginny standing there at the door, looking sheepish, apparently feeling apologetic over her previous behaviour.
"Hey. I've got your stuff." He backed away, still unsure how to approach her. "Uh, I got you this, you know, just because I felt bad…" He handed her the brightly wrapped package and watched her face screw up in confusion.
"What's this? You got everything else…why'd you have to get this?" She began idly picking at the ribbon that held the package together.
"Well, I feel bad about pitching your stuff, and I figured, well, you might like it." He shoved his hands in his pockets and began looking at his trainers, intently studying the laces.
The sound of crunching paper told him Ginny was opening the package and he patiently waited for her reaction. He didn't have to wait long.
"Harry! Oooh, you insufferable prat!"
That wasn't exactly the reaction he'd hoped for. He looked up, preapared to find her glowering at him again, but found her chomping on the chocolate bar he'd brought back, eyes closed in ecstasy.
"Y—you like it?" he asked.
"Oh gods, Harry, this is the best chocolate I've had in AGES…Damn, I love you!" She pounced on him and wrapped her legs around his waist and peppered his face with kisses.
While he enjoyed her kisses immensely, this rapid change in behaviour was rather disconcerting, to say the least. He set Ginny back on the floor and looked her straight in the eye.
"Gin, are you…well, okay? I mean an hour ago, you were ready to kill me and now you're attaching yourself to my face."
Ginny played with the buttons of his shirt and looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I was furious with you and I really overreacted. I thought I had another day before it started, and had planned to brew it ahead of time. That's all, really." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him again. "And did you realise what chocolate you bought for me?" Her voice was filled with laughter, and he was a bit more at ease.
"Well, this nice lady told me to buy you come chocolate and picked this out for you. Why? Is it bad chocolate?" He tried peering over her hands to read the wrapping paper from the chocolate.
"Harry, this is the BEST chocolate in the world! It's a special blend, made for…well, female relief," she explained. "I've only ever had it twice before."
"Really?" This little fact intrigued him greatly and he vowed to invest a large sum of money in whatever company made this particular kind of chocolate. "Must be pretty good stuff."
"Well, think Galaxy Ripple with a little bit of Firewhisky flavouring and some euphoria producing elements in it as well."
"Really?" Harry swelled with pride at his purchase for her. "So, well, do you forgive me?" If she was in this good of a mood after eating chocolate, he may as well take advantage of it.
"Not yet," she warned. "I'm still pissed that you threw them all away." She peered at the packages laid out on the worktop and she frowned. "Where' s the yellow dock root? I know I wrote it down." Her voice began to have that nasty quality about it again.
"Er, well, they were out. And…uh, they substituted nettles herb. I guess it does the same thing," he said meekly, prepared for the worst.
"Oh…yeah, that'll work." She grabbed her packages and set to work brewing her potion and tea.
Harry watched her work for a couple minutes before sidling up beside her and carefully placing his arm around her waist. "You want some help? I should really learn how to do this, you know. I mean, well, you are still going to marry me, right?"
Ginny snorted and put her head to her chest laughing. "I'm still surprised that you want to marry me!" She turned around and threw her arms around him, holding him close.
Harry wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair as her body began to shake. Was she crying?
"Gin, it's okay, really. Shhh…" He began rocking her side to side, doing his best to calm her down.
"N…n…no i'snot, 'arry," she spat out between sobs, "I…I love you…'n' I shudda ben nicer to you…an'…an'…I yell'd a' you…an'…ah hell, 'arry!" Ginny began kissing his face, hair and ears. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry!" She continued her litany of kisses and apologies before she stopped abruptly and stepped back from him. Drawing back her hand with a fierce look in her eye, Ginny hauled off and slapped him across the cheek.
His eyes wide with shock, he looked at her with a gaping mouth. "What the bloody hell was that for?"
"Don't you EVER clean the cupboards without telling me!"
End Note: You wouldn't BELIEVE the amount of research I did for these herbs mentioned in the apothecary shop. My info was all found here.
Rating: PG13
Pairing: H/G
Summary: Mood swings and hormones and cramping...OH MY!
Author Note: In "honor" of my disgusting visits from Aunt Flo every month, I have written this little piece which kinda sprung to life. There is a teeny-weeny shout out to my friend
oncelikeshari and be careful, if you blink, you may miss it. This story is dedicated to every woman reader of mine who has had to deal with a man during her cycle......
"Chamomile…where the bloody hell is the chamomile?" Ginny muttered under her breath while rummaging through the cupboards. "Damnit…the dandelion leaf's gone, too! Shite!"
She stormed out of the kitchen and climbed up the stairs emphasizing her footsteps as she made her way to the bedroom. She pushed the French doors open in an angry huff, startling Harry awake and causing him to spring up from their bed.
"Wha…whasrong?" Harry yawned.
"My. Potion. Ingredients," she stated through bared teeth, placing extreme emphasis on each syllable.
Harry looked confused, and that was not helping Ginny's mood in the slightest.
"What about them?" He pulled on his glasses and slid out of bed, crossing the room to stand in front of Ginny. "What potion ingredients?"
He reached out to stroke her hair, and Ginny slapped his hand away. Hard.
"Don't touch me! My herbs are gone! Where the hell did you put them? They're supposed to be in the kitchen!" Ginny's eyes bugged out and she looked crazed, almost like Bellatrix Lestrange.
Harry backed away, suddenly filled with fear of the petite redhead standing before him.
"Which ones? We have lots of herbs in the kitchen."
"MY herbs!" She raised one of her eyebrows, hoping her message was interpreted correctly.
Harry looked at her blankly, squinting behind his lenses, obviously not understanding her.
"Well, let's see…which ones are missing?" Ginny continued to glare at him as she began to tick off her list. "Dandelion root…artichoke leaf…centaury…cramp bark…dandelion leaf…wormwood…chamomile…and…yellow dock root. Now WHERE did you put them? I can only find the liquorice, ginger, ginseng and St John's Wort."
Harry's mind tried to wrap around the purposes of each of those herbs, but due his pitiful Potions knowledge, he had no idea what those particular ones were for let alone what some of them actually were.
"Sorry…I, I just don't know what you're talking about, Gin." He sat down on one of the armchairs in front of the fire and patted his lap for her to sit down. "Calm down, love. Let's figure out—"
"Don't you DARE patronize me, Harry Potter! I brought them all with me when I moved in…I put them in the cupboard…and now…They. Are. Gone."
Ginny had, in fact, brought along all of her Potion ingredients with her when she had moved in with Harry three weeks ago. She'd been very careful of where she placed them, making sure they were all together in one spot, just the way her mother had always placed them at The Burrow.
She really needed those herbs this morning, for one specific reason. Her monthly period started last night, and she needed to brew her tea and make her Hormone Replenishing Potion. The potion itself required three hours to brew, and Ginny really didn't plan on going without them. If she didn't have her potion and her tea, Harry would end up wishing Voldemort had killed him, because when Ginny was through with him, he'd be minced meat.
"Gin…you're scaring me."
It was pathetic, but utterly true. He looked up at her, afraid of the power he knew was bubbling up inside her. He pulled his legs up into the chair and prepared himself for the onslaught that was sure to come.
"You should be shitting your pants, Potter! Think about it, will you? I'm angry, emotional, and stark raving mad…" She gave one final huff and crossed her arms across her chest.
Harry thought for a bit and felt his heart sink in his chest.
"Fuck."
"There'll be none of that for a few days, and if you want any in the future, you'll tell me where you put my bloody herbs!"
Harry tried to think back over the past three weeks, trying to figure out which ones she was talking about. Then he suddenly remembered something he did about two weeks ago.
He'd cleaned the cupboards.
Harry didn't usually clean the kitchen cupboards, but that particular day was almost the day he quit Auror training.
He had just finished a gruelling 5k training run and was called into the office of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Hot and sweaty, he ambled into his superior's office to find Dolores Umbridge sitting in one of the chairs across from the Auror.
"What the hell is she doing here?" he'd shouted.
"Now, now, Mr Potter, language like that is not appropriate in this situation." Umbridge had merely smiled sweetly at him.
Harry had then learned that Dolores Umbridge was now working with the Auror department, evaluating the new criteria that the ministry had implemented since the war had ended. Needless to say, Harry lost his temper and shouted at his mentor and the odious woman, both of whom had tried valiantly to remain calm in the face of Harry's tirade.
When he'd arrived home that day, he had nervous energy to burn and had no desire to sit around stewing about it. So he cleaned. Ron was usually the one who cleaned when he was upset, yet there Harry was, emptying each and every cupboard, scrubbing them by hand and rearranging the contents to his satisfaction.
Harry remembered coming across the little stash of herbs in the corner cabinet. He'd looked at the bottles and containers and, not knowing what they were or what they were for, tossed them in the rubbish bin.
Harry looked up sheepishly at Ginny and began trying to dig himself out of the deep hole he knew he was in. "Oh…those. Well, I, er—"
"You better not tell me you threw them away!" She stepped in front of the chair and hovered over him ominously. When Harry didn’t answer, she pushed the chair and he fell over onto the floor. "You DID, you bloody bastard! Those were MINE!"
"How was I supposed to know they were yours or what they were for?" Harry felt his own anger grow inside him. "They didn't say 'Property of Ginny Weasley, for Merlin's sake!"
"Oh, so now I have to label what's mine and what's yours? Oh that's a dandy way to prepare for marriage, Harry!"
Harry pulled himself off the floor and stood toe to toe with her. A staring match began, with neither of them showing any sign of giving in.
After three minutes, Harry's eyes hurt and he conceded.
"I'm sorry?"
"You bet your sorry arse you are! Get your scrawny behind down to the apothecary and restock my stuff! Now!" Ginny stomped over to their shared wardrobe and pulled open his drawer, flinging clothes at him, not caring whether they matched or not.
Normally, Harry would have made a snarky remark about how much she loved his 'scrawny behind' but decided that making that sort of comment would only earn him a nasty hex in the process.
"Can I take a shower, at least?" he asked hopefully.
"No! I need to start brewing that potion now! It takes three hours!"
"You've gotta be kidding!"
Three more hours of this! Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with her behaving like this every month?
"And Harry…" she began softly, startling him with her tone, "yes, you do want to spend the rest of your life with me."
Harry's jaw dropped.
"What!?"
"You figure it out, Mr Big-Shot Auror!"
At that, Ginny spun around and left the room, leaving Harry to contemplate the clothing choices she'd made for him.
"Hmm…blue jeans and a striped pink shirt. Bloody hell, she thinks I belong on Hollyoaks."
"No way in bloody hell am I sneaking Hermione's stuff over there. She's got her own…problems…to deal with," Ron muttered from the Floo.
"You mean…she's got her…too?" Harry was flabbergasted. There was no escaping this; his fiancée and his best friend were both afflicted with hormones and cramps and mood swings…oh my…
"Fuck yeah! Hermione informed me that they've 'synchronised their cycles' since they began living together. Don't you remember--"
"Oh bloody hell! Don't remind me." Harry threw his hands in the air and moved to close the Floo.
"Oh by the way, Harry, you look good in pink!" Ron shouted with a smirk and closed the connection himself.
Carefully making his way down the stairs, Harry looked over the banisters, trying to avoid Ginny and her temper-slash-emotional outburst. He had just reached the foyer and almost made it out the door when her 'lovely' voice came up through the floorboards.
"THE LIST! Don't you leave without the list, Potter!" she bellowed, sounding too much like Mrs Black for his taste and making Harry stop dead in his tracks.
Her rapid footfalls on the stairs announced her arrival from the basement kitchen. He turned to face her and took in her appearance.
She hadn't dressed yet, and it was already half nine. She wore his Quidditch jersey from fifth year and a pair of polka-dot boxer shorts of his that he thought he lost months ago. Her hair was tousled from her apparent fitful sleep. But damn, she looked sexy standing there. Did that jersey look that good on me? He highly doubted that.
Ginny stuck out her hand and shook it, indicating her impatience with him. "Go!"
He took the six-inch long list from her and desperately wanted to diffuse the situation, and there was only one way he knew how.
He reached out and stroked her cheek before brushing his lips against hers, whispering, "I love you."
At his words, her face softened and she smiled very briefly before backing away, giving him room to Disapparate.
Harry wandered the familiar rows of the apothecary in Diagon Alley, trying to find these specific herbs and plants in the correct forms. He'd been up and down this particular aisle four times and was still unable to find most of the items on the list. Finally, taking a deep breath, he shuffled over to the chemist standing behind the glass window and cleared his throat.
"Excuse me? But I can't seem to find some things that I need."
The wrinkled witch looked up at him and smiled before coming round the window. She stood nearly a foot shorter than Harry, and had wiry, grey hair that was pulled back into a messy chignon. Her green eyes looked him up and down and then she smiled, obviously recognising him.
"Mr Potter! So nice to see you again! I haven't seen you since you were ready to begin your sixth year at Hogwarts. My, my you have filled out nicely!" She patted his chest and shoulders with her wrinkled hands and then squeezing his upper arms. "Oh yes, it does look like Auror training has agreed with you! But then, you've always been such a handsome young man!"
Harry could feel himself blush furiously underneath the woman's scrutiny. "Er…thank you, but I need some help with—"
"And what are you shopping for today?" She snatched the parchment from his hands and began perusing the list Ginny'd given him. Her cheeks reddened, Harry noticed and she looked up at him, her eyes large and mischievous. "Are these for a certain lady in your life? Are the papers right? Are you—"
"Yes! I'm engaged," Harry explained. "Now could you please—"
"Oh how delightful! Now you must tell me all about it! When's the wedding, dear boy?" She pulled him by the arm and led him toward a section of the shop that he never noticed before.
This section was obviously the right place. The aisle had a distinctly female air about it, having most of the items in pouches of pink cellophane or wrapped up with pastel ribbons. He immediately felt uncomfortable.
"Er…well, thanks for showing where to find this—"
"Oh nonsense, let me show me where you can find each of these…" The woman wouldn't take no for an answer and led him to the far end, never taking her hand off his forearm. "So, has her cycle started or is she just stocking up?"
Harry shifted his feet uncomfortably and investigated the pattern of the linoleum on the floor. "She, uh, started already…I, er, threw away—"
"Oh that must've gone over well," she teased, giving him a little swat on the arm. "Alright then…A. Artichoke leaf. She drinks this in a tea?"
Harry looked blankly at the woman, feeling ready to explode with embarrassment. "Uh, yeah, she did say something about a tea and a potion."
The witch conjured a shopping basket and deposited a package inside for him. "The artichoke leaf helps with irritability—"
Harry snorted in laughter.
"I take it she's afflicted?" She joined in Harry's laughter.
"In spades."
"I understand, dear. We'll find something to help you cope with it as well," she offered and continued leading him down the aisle. She stopped along the way as she found each item on the list. "Burdock root—good for regulating the hormones…Cramp bark. I bet you can figure out what that one's for, can't you?...Centaury…Dandelion root and leaf—my, my, she must really get it bad."
"Tell me about it," Harry answered back off-handedly.
"Poor boy. Now here's the liquorice, it's mostly for flavour, and then…hmm, yellow dock root…yellow dock root…Oh dear. I seem to be out of that one."
Harry began to panic. What was yellow root dock for? Did it have the power to bring back the woman he fell in love with?
"Well, let’s give her nettles herb then. It does the same thing. I'll go get that. You grab the wormwood, alrighty?"
Harry watched her shuffle down the aisle and then turned his attention to finding the wormwood.
Wormwood…that was a 'normal' potion ingredient? Why did he have to get it over here in the feminine section? Couldn’t she just use the stuff from his own Potions kit?
He found the small, pink package of wormwood and looked at it. It was one-third the size of what he purchased and cost twice as much.
Bloody hell, these women are getting ripped off!
Harry rummaged through the basket and wondered how much of this stuff could be bought cheaper in the regular section. He added up the prices in his head and couldn't believe what he came up with.
"Is there a problem, Mr Potter? I found the nettles herb." She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him curiously.
"Nine galleons for all this stuff? I know I can get the wormwood over in the Potions section for five Sickles while this package," Harry bellowed while holding up the pink package in front of her, "costs almost eleven Sickles! That's crazy! And it's the same bloody thing! You trying to rip off half the Wizarding world, woman?"
She put on a disgusted face. "Of course, not! The herbs in those packages have been used by women for centuries!" She suddenly lost her affection for Harry and her face turned sour. "For your information, young man, the herbs and plants in this section are more potent than your regular blends. They are concentrated for quick relief. By all means, purchase the standard dosage of all those herbs. It would only take twice as long to prepare and be half as effective as those in that basket. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some prescription potions to prepare." The woman twirled around and with an audible huff, marched back toward her window at the back of the shop.
Harry looked around and discovered three women and a teenaged girl standing in the same aisle, gaping at him as if he had a contagious case of Dragon Pox. One of the women took the girl away and shook her head, muttering something like "…blasted man…some hero he is…" Harry looked at the other two who were still gaping at him, making him feel three inches high.
Harry bent over to pick up the package of nettle herb the chemist had dropped and placed it in the basket before putting the tiny package of wormwood along side it.
"She's right. The other herbs don't work as well," one of the women said, patting him on the hand. "Now get your gal a nice package of chamomile tea and some chocolate. She'll be much more pleasant when she sees you've brought that home." She smiled at him and shared a small laugh with her companion.
"Thanks," Harry whispered, grateful for the kind words. With that, he turned around and made his way to the witch behind the register to leave, hopefully, without further incident.
"Ginny? Ginny, I'm back," Harry said into the empty kitchen, brown paper bags in his arms. He walked over to the granite worktop and set the bags down and began unloading them.
"Harry?"
He looked up and saw Ginny standing there at the door, looking sheepish, apparently feeling apologetic over her previous behaviour.
"Hey. I've got your stuff." He backed away, still unsure how to approach her. "Uh, I got you this, you know, just because I felt bad…" He handed her the brightly wrapped package and watched her face screw up in confusion.
"What's this? You got everything else…why'd you have to get this?" She began idly picking at the ribbon that held the package together.
"Well, I feel bad about pitching your stuff, and I figured, well, you might like it." He shoved his hands in his pockets and began looking at his trainers, intently studying the laces.
The sound of crunching paper told him Ginny was opening the package and he patiently waited for her reaction. He didn't have to wait long.
"Harry! Oooh, you insufferable prat!"
That wasn't exactly the reaction he'd hoped for. He looked up, preapared to find her glowering at him again, but found her chomping on the chocolate bar he'd brought back, eyes closed in ecstasy.
"Y—you like it?" he asked.
"Oh gods, Harry, this is the best chocolate I've had in AGES…Damn, I love you!" She pounced on him and wrapped her legs around his waist and peppered his face with kisses.
While he enjoyed her kisses immensely, this rapid change in behaviour was rather disconcerting, to say the least. He set Ginny back on the floor and looked her straight in the eye.
"Gin, are you…well, okay? I mean an hour ago, you were ready to kill me and now you're attaching yourself to my face."
Ginny played with the buttons of his shirt and looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I was furious with you and I really overreacted. I thought I had another day before it started, and had planned to brew it ahead of time. That's all, really." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him again. "And did you realise what chocolate you bought for me?" Her voice was filled with laughter, and he was a bit more at ease.
"Well, this nice lady told me to buy you come chocolate and picked this out for you. Why? Is it bad chocolate?" He tried peering over her hands to read the wrapping paper from the chocolate.
"Harry, this is the BEST chocolate in the world! It's a special blend, made for…well, female relief," she explained. "I've only ever had it twice before."
"Really?" This little fact intrigued him greatly and he vowed to invest a large sum of money in whatever company made this particular kind of chocolate. "Must be pretty good stuff."
"Well, think Galaxy Ripple with a little bit of Firewhisky flavouring and some euphoria producing elements in it as well."
"Really?" Harry swelled with pride at his purchase for her. "So, well, do you forgive me?" If she was in this good of a mood after eating chocolate, he may as well take advantage of it.
"Not yet," she warned. "I'm still pissed that you threw them all away." She peered at the packages laid out on the worktop and she frowned. "Where' s the yellow dock root? I know I wrote it down." Her voice began to have that nasty quality about it again.
"Er, well, they were out. And…uh, they substituted nettles herb. I guess it does the same thing," he said meekly, prepared for the worst.
"Oh…yeah, that'll work." She grabbed her packages and set to work brewing her potion and tea.
Harry watched her work for a couple minutes before sidling up beside her and carefully placing his arm around her waist. "You want some help? I should really learn how to do this, you know. I mean, well, you are still going to marry me, right?"
Ginny snorted and put her head to her chest laughing. "I'm still surprised that you want to marry me!" She turned around and threw her arms around him, holding him close.
Harry wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair as her body began to shake. Was she crying?
"Gin, it's okay, really. Shhh…" He began rocking her side to side, doing his best to calm her down.
"N…n…no i'snot, 'arry," she spat out between sobs, "I…I love you…'n' I shudda ben nicer to you…an'…an'…I yell'd a' you…an'…ah hell, 'arry!" Ginny began kissing his face, hair and ears. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry!" She continued her litany of kisses and apologies before she stopped abruptly and stepped back from him. Drawing back her hand with a fierce look in her eye, Ginny hauled off and slapped him across the cheek.
His eyes wide with shock, he looked at her with a gaping mouth. "What the bloody hell was that for?"
"Don't you EVER clean the cupboards without telling me!"
End Note: You wouldn't BELIEVE the amount of research I did for these herbs mentioned in the apothecary shop. My info was all found here.
